The happiness of British fish on Flat Earth Brexit. An overview from Italy

by Gabriele Bonafede

(Qui lo stesso articolo in italiano)

We all know that Jacob Rees-Mogg, Brexit-hawk and one of the major perpetrators of this disaster, has managed to overcome the ridiculous, or more precisely the grotesque.

As a practical explanation to the unfortunate choices of a pro Brexit government that led to the ruin of British fish industry (and not that industry alone …) he went so far as to say in Parliament: “They’re now British fish and they are better and happier for it.” The Speaker of the House of Commons, Lindsay Hoyle, replied: “Obviously there’s no overwhelming evidence for that.”

The news went almost unnoticed in Italy. Among the big newspapers, only “Il Foglio” seems to have noticed it. Not surprisingly, in an Italy interested in foreign policy through the miraculous phrases of ungrammatical ministers or, worse, the Mussolinian arrows on the maps of the Italian magazine “Limes” and its Mappa Mundi TV “talk” show.

Evidence, in fact, is in the possession of Jacob Rees-Mogg himself, at least in the face of those who believe in flat earth. And it is that Brexit was implemented by making a majority of British believe that, in fact, the earth was flat and not spherical. By making believe, that is, that the United Kingdom could take advantage of the devastation of its own trade with its most important partner, the European Union. Really, the earth is flat and not spherical.

Indeed, if we see the map circulated by flat earth proponents and their troglodytic theories, we realize that even colossal and insane fakes – like the benefits of Brexit – can become credible to some. If you believe that the earth is flat or that Xylella is healed with soap, why not believing that fish are happier and can tell their opinion to an MP? Maybe with the help of BBC … Possible, indeed.




Thus, British fish surfaced, equipped with sovereigntist and no-vax flags, and asked for a hearing with the powerful Brexiter Jacob Rees-Mogg. Then, they flatly informed him about their happiness for being British fish. The meeting was duly accompanied with good bottles of happy “champagne” (British?), and even happier Italian sparkling wine.

Nothing truer, at least for the fish.

Probably, fish do not care about being British at all – or not more than an Italian dried fig might care. Who knows? Maybe fish don’t even know about their nationality. Yet, this is certain, they will no longer have the destiny of ending up in the net or being hooked by British fishermen or Tory MPs. Because, if caught they would have no other purpose than rotting in British ports – as they cannot be sold in EU markets, thanks to Brexit. They will no longer be hooked, caught, being disposed. No matter their flags.

The environment, perhaps, will benefit as well. Not all happiness comes to harm. It matters little if non-fish Britons have no jobs and income. British fish won’t be hooked anymore.

Those who continue to be hooked will instead be Brexit supporters, in UK and elsewhere, including Italy. And flat earth supporters too.

So far from an Italian’s persepctive. Here the Flat Earth perspective: